


I'll wait if you tell me what I'm waiting for

by dapperanachronism



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Get Together, Happy Ending, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-26
Updated: 2015-12-26
Packaged: 2018-05-07 04:39:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5443637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dapperanachronism/pseuds/dapperanachronism
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Look, Tony's happy Bucky's safe and he's happy Steve has him back. But Tony'd be happier still if he weren't hanging out in relationship limbo waiting on something they never really had a chance to start.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll wait if you tell me what I'm waiting for

**Author's Note:**

  * For [McG](https://archiveofourown.org/users/McG/gifts).



> My undying thanks goes out to the wonderful  imafriendlydalek  for the beta, and also to Beans for her constant support. Happy Holidays!

As Steve reached across the table to take his hand and twine their fingers together, Tony felt the overwhelming need to remind himself yet again that this was real, not some dream that he had concocted in the back of his mind, not some wish fulfillment, this was real. An honest-to-god date with Steve Rogers smiling across the table at him, casual and intimate all rolled together. He’d never admit it, but he owed Natasha and Sam so much.

“Steve’s really settling in here. ” Sam had said to him a few weeks ago when Tony had wandered into the common kitchen while Sam had been cooking breakfast. Tony hummed noncommittally as he turned his back to refill his coffee. “I mean it. I was worried about him, he seemed so adrift. But I really think he’s grounded himself here.” Tony still refused to say anything, he damn well knew a prodding tone when he heard one but Sam remained undeterred. “You two hang out a lot, you’ve noticed a change too, haven’t you?”

“If you say.” Tony shrugged, leaning back against the counter with his mug in hand and an air of indifference. Sam was right though; Steve was brighter, happier, better rested, and sure Tony had noticed it because they were spending time together. That’s what friends did. They hung out and did stuff. Totally normal friend stuff. “I mean, Cap’s keeping busy, it’s good for him. Bound to have some positive effect.”

“Right, keeping busy. I’m sure that’s what it is.” Sam responded with a secretive smile that Tony wanted to wipe off his smug face.

“Whatever you’re thinking about suggesting, keep it to yourself. Wilson.” Cup in hand, Tony beat a hasty retreat before he could let Sam push him any farther down that path. So what if they hung out? So what if Steve had started spending increasingly more time down in the shop with him? So what if Tony found himself wandering up to the kitchen or the common room with his work when he knew Steve was around? So what if sometimes they went out for lunch, or dinner, or middle-of-the-night snacks when neither of them could sleep? That was just normal sharing a living space, being on the same team friendship stuff. Tony was great at friendships.

“Historically, you really haven’t been all that great at friendships. “ Natasha had pointed out when he’d mentioned this to her.

“Okay maybe not. But that was before. I’m great at friendship now, even Pepper and Rhodey say so.”

“Pepper and Rhodey, for all they are willing to call you out on your bullshit, are also two of the most loyal, loving and biased people when it comes to you.” The playful twinkle in Natasha’s eye stopped Tony a second before he was about to retort with something to defend himself. “Speaking of Pepper, have you ever considered getting back out into the dating game?” She asked sweetly.

Tony frowned in response and eyed her suspiciously. “What, trying to set Steve up losing its appeal? Tough for you, you’re not going to get to meddle in my love life because I’m really not looking right now, thanks.”

“Hm, that’s interesting. Steve told me the same thing, he wasn’t interested in seeing anyone right now thanks anyway for your help Natasha.” She hummed thoughtfully.

“Maybe you’re just not a good match maker. Just throwing it out there.”

“That is possible.” Natasha conceded. “More likely though, I think it’s because he already has his eye on someone and hasn’t quite figured out what to do about it.”

“Well good for him.” Tony spat bitterly. He wasn’t pouting at that but it was a near thing. Beside him, Natasha was staring at him in appalled wonder

“Oh Tony.” She sighed fondly, patting his arm as she got up to leave. “You’ll catch on at some point.”

As it turned out he did catch on - mostly because Natasha and Sam had stopped being subtle, and Steve had started acting like he was walking on eggshells around him. Every time they were together Steve looked pensive, like he was trying to say something but couldn’t quite bring himself to do it.

“Out with it, Rogers.” Tony had finally snapped one day down in the lab. Sitting up at his workbench, he stared across to the other end where Steve was sitting sketching, having abandoned the book he was reading on the couch earlier. That was happening more and more recently, little signs of Steve appearing in his space, a forgotten pencil, a spare sweater, more and more of Steve was sneaking into the lab and Tony found that he really kind of liked it. He watched carefully as Steve set his pencil down and looked up.

“I’d like to take you to dinner,” he said at last, trying to mask his nerves. “On a date. Just to be clear. You and me.”

“A date.” Tony repeated. Sure, he might have been half expecting this but actually hearing those words come out of Steve’s mouth still caught him off guard. “You and me. On a date. So when Natasha said you weren’t interested in being set up and she thought it was because you’d found someone?”

“That was you.” Steve confirmed with a sharp nod. “She’s been needling me to ask you out but I’ve been... I don’t know. Trying to find the right time, I guess? Turns out asking your friend out isn’t exactly easy.”

“Right... well. Yes.” Of course he was going to say yes, he’d be an idiot not to. Plus Natasha would tell him off if he said no and that didn’t sound like fun.

“Yes?” Steve stared in disbelief.

“Yes.” Tony repeated with more force. “Not just yes. Hell yes. Definitely yes. I am all about this idea, go you. A plus thinking.”

And so he found himself caught up in something that should have only been a dream but was actually perfect in every way. There was none of the awkwardness that he’d anticipated there might be as a result of two friends changing the nature of their relationship. They were still them, just... closer.

“It took me a long time to figure out how I felt about you.” Steve admitted, running his thumb over the back of Tony’s hand. “I wasn’t really in a good place when I met you the first time, and even after I came to the tower.. a lot had happened, you know? It hasn’t exactly been easy. But Sam’s right, I have a place here thanks to you. And you’re.. you’re important to me, Tony.”

Tony swallowed hard and glanced down to where their fingers were entwined. It felt... right. “You’re important to me too, Steve. I’m kind of... you know, not really good at saying stuff like that, but you are. So thanks. For this.”

They hadn’t let go of each other’s hands the whole walk back to the tower and the longer they spent side by side trading jokes and laughs, the more Tony could feel himself getting wrapped up tighter in everything that was Steve and god he didn’t want the evening to be over so soon. The ride back up in the elevator was almost painful. Despite the few careful inches between them, Tony swore he could still feel the heat from Steve’s body, or maybe he was just imaging it because of the heat of Steve’s gaze that had only grown more intense as the evening progressed. The elevator came to a stop at Steve’s floor and as the door slid open something flickered across Steve’s face. Reluctance maybe, or uncertainty? Before Steve could leave, Tony reached out and caught Steve’s wrist to stop him and a second later Tony found Steve’s hands resting on his hips, pushing him back against the wall of the elevator.

“I had a really great time tonight, Tony,” he murmured, his expression turned warm and heady.

“Yeah?” Tony responded, the corner of his mouth quirking up as Steve leaned in a little closer.

“You could come in for a while.” Their mouths were close enough now that Steve’s lips ghosted across Tony’s as he spoke and he could feel Tony’s breath hitch in response.

“Good plan. Yes. I think-” The rest of the words were lost, turned to a soft sigh as Steve finally kissed him, warm and firm. Hands still holding tightly to Tony’s hips, Steve walked backward, leading them out of the elevator. Tony’s fingers clung to Steve’s shirt as they stumbled, laughing between parted lips until Steve decided enough was enough, hoisting Tony up, legs wrapped around Steve’s waist. What had begun as a tentative kiss turned deep as Steve slid his hands under Tony to support him, giving his ass a hard squeeze.

“Sir, Captain, I apologise but I have a message that’s just come through for you.” JARVIS’ clear tone interrupted just as Steve had paused their trip to the bedroom to thoroughly kiss Tony against the wall.

“It can wait.” He huffed, shuddering as Tony’s teeth grazed his lip.

“Captain, I’m sorry, as a security matter this cannot wait.” He insisted and Steve groaned, breaking away from the kiss but keeping his hold on Tony.

“This better be good, J.” Tony’s head thudded back against the wall, his fingers still carding through Steve’s hair.

“Sir... Sergeant Barnes has been found.”

Well shit.

 

* * *

 

It had been twelve hours since JARVIS alerted them that the Winter Soldier had made contact. Twelve hours since Steve had let him go with a single apology before disappearing into the night. Twelve hours since his perfect date, the one he never thought he’d ever actually get, came crashing around his feet. Tony had stayed up all night waiting for Steve to come back and knowing that he wouldn’t. For twelve hours he’d tried and failed to not remember the way Steve’s face had twisted in a mix of grief and hope at the news.

“I’m sorry Tony” was all he said before he was gone, leaving Tony reeling in his own shock. Logically he knew this day was bound to come. Just because Steve was staying put in New York now didn’t mean that he wasn’t still looking. He and Sam had spent months laying the groundwork, building a network and tracking leads, leaving a trail around the world in everything short of neon lights to tell the Winter Soldier where to go if he decided he wanted to stop running. The night that Steve and Sam had finally returned for good, that had been a rough one.

“Think Cap’s finally accepted that Barnes isn’t going to come in until he’s ready.” Sam had informed Tony, the exhaustion of the chase weighing heavily on him. “We have an ear to the ground, so we’ll know if he gets into trouble. Otherwise... it’s just a waiting game now.”

Tony had found Steve down in the gym later that night, trying with everything he had to rip the reinforced bag apart, as if destroying it would somehow make everything better. Tony understood that compulsion far more intimately than he cared to admit even to himself. It felt a little too much like intruding on a private moment, standing there and watching Steve pour out his grief, but Tony couldn’t make himself look away. Steve, who up until that point had always been so guarded and controlled every time that Tony had seen him, was laying himself bare. Open, exposed to his very core, and full of raw power, anger and emotion. It was beautiful to watch. Only when Steve finally stopped, caught the bag in his hands and rested his head against it, shoulders slumping in a heartbreaking show of defeat, did Tony finally approach.

“Come on, I got pizza and beer,” he said without preamble. There wasn’t anything else to say and Steve... Steve didn’t exactly have the air of someone who felt like talking.

For a moment he stared back at Tony, expression unreadable before he stood up straight again with a nod and started unwrapping his hands. They’d stayed up late into the night, Tony watching Steve carefully as a tiny bit of the tension seeped out of Steve’s shoulders, winding down just enough that he might have a hope of sleeping. They didn’t say much to each other that first night, but when they’d parted ways for bed Steve had given him a look of such immense gratitude that Tony was certain he was going to collapse under the weight of it.

Now, months and a failed date later, Tony was certain he’d collapse under the weight of whatever the hell was happening now, the uncertainty that hung between him and Steve, whether there was still a ‘them,’ and how he could possibly selfishly worry about what his place in all this was when Steve had something so much bigger to worry about.

The familiar, comforting sound of heels clicking across the workshop floor and Pepper’s gentle hand on his shoulder drew Tony out of his rumination. He hadn’t expected Pepper but he couldn’t deny the gratitude and relief that he felt at her presence.

“Natasha messaged me,” she explained, setting down a fresh cup of coffee and a breakfast bagel on the bench beside him. Good. At least he wouldn’t have to explain to her. Wordless, Tony spun around in his chair and looked up at her and the gentle compassion in her eyes. “Oh Tony...” she murmured, pulling his head against her shoulder. He went willingly, grateful that after everything that had happened between them Pepper could still be his rock and his comfort, she who understood him better than anyone and wouldn’t judge his quiet fear that finding Bucky could mean losing Steve. Pepper wouldn’t judge so he gave himself this one moment to be weak, knowing she would keep him up.

His coffee was nearly reaching room temperature before he finally sat back up, composure in place one again. “Alright, one not-dead war hero slash brainwashed ex-assassin coming home. We have work to do,” he said with a grim determination. “JARVIS, get me whoever’s holding Barnes on the line.”

 

* * *

 

Three days and Steve still hadn’t set foot back in the tower. Not that Tony had been counting, now. He just had a healthy level of concern for a friend, that was all, and maybe he’d asked JARVIS to alert him when Steve made it back, but again. That was concern only. Sometime the day before Steve had sent them all a message just to let them know that he was still alive and safe, and while Tony had appreciated it, it wasn’t the same as having Steve back in the tower. Even when -- if? No, when -- _when_ Steve made it back, everything was going to be different. He wasn’t ever going to leave Bucky. And that was the lynch pin right there. No matter what else changed or didn’t, no matter what else happened, he could guarantee that James Buchanan Barnes was going to be a part of his life, and that Steve was going to need all the support he could get. At this point it would be far easier to retreat and lick his wounds in relative peace, but once he got out the other side he’d never forgive himself for having left Steve hanging high and dry. Of course Steve would have gotten the memo by now that there was a place for Bucky at the tower but it wouldn’t hurt to reach out himself and remind Steve that he really did mean it and no, he wasn’t just being nice. “JARVIS, send a message to Steve. Tell him to bring Barnes back here to the tower when they’re ready. There’s space and Barnes is always welcome.” Well, there was that done. Tower residency increased by one. Of course it wouldn’t be that simple, god only knew what state Barnes would be in and then there was of course letting the rest of the team know that they were getting another roommate, but that was going to be the easy part. The rest of it... well Tony was pretty good at making shit up as he went along, that was going to have to be good enough for now.

Twenty minutes later JARVIS alerted him to a new message from Steve that said simply _Thank you_ and that right there, that was all Tony needed.

It was still hours later and well into the evening when Steve and Sam finally returned to the tower, JARVIS informing him that the two of them were getting Bucky settled into a spare room in Steve’s wing. “Good, make sure you introduce yourself and tell Barnes if he needs anything to just say the word.” He’d save the awkward introductions until tomorrow, sure as hell didn’t have the energy to deal with that right now and Tony imagined that Bucky probably needed a bit of space and time to adjust. Being on the run must be exhausting. At least they were all safe, that was enough for now.

Tony blindly assumed that Steve would be busy sitting up with Bucky again, still, whichever. Which is why the soft knock caught him off guard and he visibly startled when he looked up to see Steve letting himself into the lab.

“Didn’t mean to scare you.” Steve apologised, but Tony barely heard it, too distracted by the tension obvious in Steve’s shoulders and the pinched look to his eyes, already trying to work out if he’d be able to catch Steve if he suddenly just fell over -- which was looking likely.

“Not even a thing, Cap.” Tony waved him off easily, trying to be casual, unsure of where the boundary was between them anymore. In a few long strides, Steve closed the distance and brushed a hand down Tony’s arm before pulling him into gentle hug.

“I’m sorry I had to run out like that. I’ve missed you,” Steve admitted softly as Tony snaked his own arms around Steve’s, running a hand through his hair and down the back of his neck.

“Thought you would have been too busy,” he murmured, immediately kicking himself. Steve didn’t need that kind of crap right now. But Steve only scoffed in response, the hollow self-deprecating kind that Tony knew all too well.

“I have been busy. He made contact with Fury first, of all people.”

“Of course he did. Of course Fury’s alive. Not quite sure how I managed to miss that memo.”

“Should be getting used to people who are meant to be dead turning up not so dead. Been happening a lot recently,” Steve pointed out, and that at least got a laugh out of Tony. “I mean I knew Nick left a trail for Bucky to find him. Stupid and dangerous of him really. But I never actually thought that Buck would take that route.”

Tony had to agree with that, though he supposed that maybe the draw of a target you confirmed as dead wandering around would have been enough of a draw. Or maybe despite everything Fury felt like the safest option. At least he’d know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it wasn’t HYDRA, a safe first step towards Steve if he wanted to head in that direction but hadn’t been quite ready to come in yet. Tony begrudgingly admitted that it was a smart play on Fury’s part, though he privately thought that there was a least a little bit of guilt at work there.

“They talked, Fury brought him into what’s left of SHIELD. Coulson's new team.”

“Yeah I talked to Agent when I was arranging for you guys to come back here. He’s sounding pretty spritely for another dead guy. You should all start a boy band or something,.. You Barnes, Nick, Agent. Call yourselves the Not-Deads or something.

Steve raised an eyebrow at that and shook his head “Obviously we’d be a barbershop quartet. And we’d be called something a hell of a lot better than Not-Dead’s.”

“You think you could do better than Not-Deads?” Tony asked with feigned affront.

“Oh I think I could do a lot better than Not-Dead.”

“Right, well you get back to me when you’ve got something better.”

“How about I get back to you tomorrow at lunch?” Steve asked and Tony’s fingers, which had been rubbing absent circles on Steve’s shoulders, went still.

“Lunch?” He repeated with a hint of strain.

“Yeah, lunch. It’s that meal around midday people usually eat?” Steve cocked an eyebrow in a way that for half a moment made the weight of all the stress disappear from his face. “I meant what I said earlier about missing you, so I’d like to have lunch. With you.”

Steve wanted lunch. Steve was currently still holding him. Tony could feel some of the tension seeping out of Steve’s shoulders under his hands so maybe, just maybe, there was a chance that he was wrong and all his hopes for something between them hadn’t gone up in smoke.

“Yes. Yes lunch is definitely a good idea. We should... do... that.”

The smile that overtook Steve’s face a moment later was quite possibly the most beautiful that Tony had ever seen and he was pretty sure he’d do damn near anything to keep it there and see it every day after.

 

* * *

 

“Tony, for the love of god, stop fidgeting. You’re making me anxious just looking at you,” Clint huffed, bent over his coffee. Fifteen minutes before he was meant to meet Steve saw Tony pacing around the kitchen, tapping fingers against the counter, fiddling with every little thing he could get his hands on and muttering about needing a bigger toaster.

“I’m not!” he snapped, yanking his hands back from the pen he was about to pick up. Okay, so maybe he was nervous, which was stupid really given that this wasn’t even his first date with Steve. Hell, Steve hadn’t even said this was a date. They’d gotten lunch or dinner or whatever plenty of times before the subject of dating had come up, so that wasn’t new. Maybe this was just two friends grabbing a bite and catching up on the news and the not-dead mostly-no-longer-brainwashed-ex-assassin that had moved in overnight. But the way Steve had smiled when he said good night was a pretty convincing argument to jot down on the ‘is-a-date’ column.

“You are. You’re nervous.” Natasha agreed, leaning against the counter. “And you don’t need to be. This is Steve.”

At that Tony snorted and crossed his arms over his chest, mostly as a means to keep himself from fidgeting and proving them both right. “I’m definitely not nervous.”

Natasha said nothing as she gave him a level stare, a slight tilt of her head.

“Okay I’m nervous!” Tony snapped after only a few seconds of her casual scrutiny, tossing up his hands.

“Aw no. We’re not going through this again. We just got to two to sort through your crap,” Clint whined, hugging the coffee a little closer. “Nat’s right, this is Steve. He’s totally gone for you, you know that.”

“Yeah well that was before.”

“And there’s not a snowball’s chance in hell that Steve’s feelings have changed. You can’t think-”

“I just think Steve has a lot on his plate right now, alright? And I’m not exactly priority one. I know that,” Tony interrupted Clint, looking away.

Natasha’s expression softened slightly and she reached over to squeeze Tony’s arm gently. “You’ll be okay, you and Steve.”

Before he could respond, he heard the sound of Steve’s foot falls coming into the kitchen and he quickly spun. Steve was looking far better for having rested some but Tony knew him well enough by now to see the strain under the surface. Maybe a couple of hours’ reprieve was exactly what he needed.

“You ready?” Steve asked and Tony nodded, falling into step beside Steve as they made their way to the elevator.

“You have anything in mind in particular?” Tony asked to keep his mind from wandering back to the last time they’d been in this elevator together, how it had felt when they’d stumbled out and Steve had held him against the wall, how their lips had felt against one another, breathing the same air.

“I hadn’t planned anything. I could honestly use a burger right now, though,” Steve responded with a shrug.

“Burgers and shakes it is.” Simple, familiar, comfortable. Probably everything that Steve needed right now. There was a place Steve had taken him to one of the first times they’d gone out just the two of them shortly after Steve had moved in. Somewhere between a bistro and a diner, it had amazing milkshakes and one of the best damn burgers Tony had ever had the pleasure of eating. It wasn’t like he and Steve had a ‘place’ but if they did, this would be it. The hostess greeted them with a smile and sat them down tucked away in a back corner, away from prying eyes and windows. Tony ordered on autopilot without even bothering to open the menu. They didn’t have a place, this wasn’t their place, he reminded himself. Except in all the ways that it really, really was

“So how are you holding up?” Tony asked without preamble once they were alone.

“Fine. Tired, but okay.” Steve’s response was automatic, so flat and canned that Tony almost visibly winced.

“Bullshit.” Tony picked up one of the paper napkins and started folding it absently, but his eyes never left Steve’s. “See this? We don’t do this. You don’t want to talk about this, you say ‘hey Tony, can we not?’ or, ‘Let’s not go there Tony.’ I take the hint and I start telling you all about the energy output on the latest iteration of repulsor. Or I complain about how the upgrades to Nat’s bites are causing the circuits to short out and I haven’t found a solution that doesn’t involve making them heavier and clunkier, which isn’t an option. Or I tell you all about how I’m pretty sure my robot thinks he’s a dog because for a week all he’s wanted to do is play fetch, and I think Clint’s been teaching him bad habits when I’m not around. But what we don’t do is sit here while you lie through your teeth and tell me you’re fine when you’re not. That’s not what we do.”

Across from him Steve’s face shifted and he twitched like he was about to snap, or go on the defensive. Tony waited as the seconds hovered between them, ready to dig in his heel and push back, because damnit, he was trying to make an effort here. But a moment later Steve’s shoulders dropped and the corner of his mouth twitched up in a humourless smile. “It’s been a rough few days,” he admitted at last and Tony nodded in approval. “Bucky, he’s better now, more stable, but he’s still not great. And I’m trying to help but sometimes I don’t know how. And even though I’ve known he’s alive for months, that’s different than actually seeing him. It’s different hearing him talk about before when the last time I saw him he didn’t know me. I’m happy to have him back, I can’t even begin to convey how happy I am. But damnit, I saw him die in forty-three and now we’re both here? And everything that’s happened? It’s a lot to take in. And I thought I was adjusting... I mean I know I was. But…”

“But this is a whole different paradigm shift. Your worlds are colliding, The boat’s rocking and you haven’t found your sea legs yet,” Tony added and Steve nodded emphatically.

“Yeah, that’s it exactly. I know things will settle out again, I’ll pull myself together, but right now… yeah.”

Tony reached across the table and took Steve’s hand, giving it a gentle squeeze just as their server reappeared, setting down their meals and giving them a bright knowing smile.

“How’s Bucky himself doing?” Tony asked as he tucked into his burger. Perfect as always.

“He’s okay. Sam’s been consulting with Maria and they’re trying to put together a team of professionals to help. Sam’s doing what he can, but Bucky needs more than the level of counselling that Sam can provide. And right now Sam’s more valuable to him as a friend.”

“Good plan. Maria can run the background checks through SI and I’m sure if you talked to Natasha she’d be prepared to do a little digging for you. If we’re bringing in anyone from the outside, I want them well vetted,” Tony added, his mind already racing, but he still managed to catch the way Steve paused and stared at him over the use of ‘we.’ “How’s the arm holding up?”

“Not great,” Steve admitted. “It’s functional, but it was damaged in the fight and hasn’t really been maintained since.”

“Well tell him if he wants, I’ll take a look at it. I mean I get it if he doesn’t want anyone else poking around in it.” Tony’s hand ghosted over his chest as he spoke but he pressed on, “But I can probably get it running a little smoother again, Fix any of the major things that might be wrong.”

When he looked back up at Steve, Steve was staring back at him with clear wonder and adoration. “You’d do that for him?” he asked, his tone suggesting that he didn’t quite believe it.

“Um... yes? Of course I would.” It seemed like the obvious solution as far as he was concerned. No one else was even remotely qualified to look at tech like that and even if Tony hadn’t built it, it wouldn’t take him long to figure it out and probably improve on the original design. It’d be a fun challenge if nothing else, but it would also help Barnes and keep Steve happy. Everyone wins. “Bring him down to see me whenever he’s up for it and we’ll see what’s going on in there.” If it was his personal mission to see that brilliant, pure smile on Steve’s face as often as he could then hey, he was off to a pretty damn good start so far.

 

* * *

 

Evidently Bucky was more than happy to take Tony up on his offer since only a few hours after returning from lunch saw Tony wrist-deep in complex circuitry. “Wouldn’t let the people at SHIELD look at it. But Steve trusts you,” Bucky said once he’d sat down. The gravity of that trust weighed heavily on him at first, but once Tony actually got to work he lost himself in the ease of it, doing what he did best. Solving problems and fixing things.

“Damn, you weren’t kidding about this being a mess,” Tony whistled low as he got a better look at what was going on inside. “We might be better off just starting fresh, honestly.” He was talking to himself more than anything, but Steve was paying attention to every little detail, the whole process having him on edge.

“Are you going to build a new one?” he asked, his eyes locked on the exposed circuitry that Tony was prodding at.

“Yes and no,” Tony hummed, prying off another plate to get a better look at a particularly fiddly connection. “The mechanisms themselves need a serious overhaul, they’ve been patched a lot and it’s functional but it’s not where it could be. But honestly, spinal connection and the integration with the central nervous system are something we shouldn’t be messing with.”

When Tony looked up at Steve he was taken aback by the strength of the barely concealed anger behind his eyes. There’d been a lot of that lately. Before Bucky had come in Steve had learned everything that he possibly could about the Winter Soldier programme. Both Natasha and Tony had gone digging into the deepest, darkest corners of their contacts to draw out everything they could about the ghost story that was turning out to be a real life horror tale. The Winter Soldier had been ruthless, effective and precise. HYDRA’s perfect tool. But the things they'd done to get him there… Tony had read the reports. Those were the things that kept Steve compulsively trying to put his fist through bags in the gym, that kept him running hard and fighting harder in what Tony was pretty sure was a desperate attempt to not feel so goddamn helpless all the time. But having the reports, reading them back to front, knowing everything they possibly could about the programme was a hell of a lot different than actually seeing Bucky again with his own eyes, seeing the damage that had been inflicted and knowing exactly how it was caused. That was another thing entirely.

“That’s way too invasive to be screwing around with.” Steve agree through gritted teeth, trying to stay calm mostly for Bucky’s sake Tony imagined.

“Can I see?” Bucky asked, nodding his head over at one of the displays.

“Hey it’s your arm. But I’m guessing you haven’t had a chance to really study it up close.” Setting down the tools Tony called up one of the holo screens to display a three-dimensional rendering of Bucky’s torso with all the layers of muscles, nerves and bones on top of one another. “See here.” He zoomed in and blew off the portion of Bucky’s shoulder, spine and neck the arm attached to. “You can move your left arm the same as you can your right, naturally, instinctively, like it’s a part of you. Because it _is_ a part of you. The connections for the arm are integrated in such a way that they receive the same signals from your brain. Removing them or changing them in anyway would be a super invasive process. It would take a long time, it would painful, dangerous, and honestly? There’s no need. It’s stable, it’s already integrated with you, why mess with something that works?” Steve looked like he wanted to be ill, and whoops, Tony was going to have to apologise or at least check in later. But Bucky for his part seemed intrigued.

“But you can craft an entirely new arm that still uses those connections. Build it from the inside out without having to take anything out or off me.” Bucky had said very little the whole time Tony had been working, and his voice and the comprehension in it were a welcome change.

“Exactly. Like keeping the chassis and building something better on it. Easy for everyone, no pain, no icky squigy stuff, you get to be awake the whole time and you get a way better kick ass arm. Everybody wins. I mean, if that’s something you decide you want.” Tony turned away long enough to swipe closed the scan. “I can keep doing maintenance on what you have right now, it’s definitely possible if that’s something you’d rather.”

Bucky was quiet for a long moment, considering. Beside him Steve laid a hand on his right shoulder almost absently and squeezed gently. A quiet reminder that he was still there. Tony’s stomach twisted against his will in a pang of jealousy but the momentary flicker of relief on Bucky’s face had him feeling like an ass for it.

“How long would it take you to make something?” Bucky’s voice pulled him from descending too far down the road of self pity, thank god for that, and Tony spun around, flicking open a few different files, hands flying through the air as he set to work.

A slow smile reflecting all of the joy that came from solving an intricate problem spread across Tony’s face. “Let me show you what I’ve got so far.”

 

* * *

 

It was supposed to get easier after that. Tony had bonded with Bucky, he and Steve had talked, sort of. He’d at least made it clear that he was there to help in whatever way he could. He’d done everything right and it was supposed to get easier. But it didn’t. Days would pass when he didn’t see or even hear from Steve, and okay fine, he was busy trying to get Bucky settled into some semblance of a routine, meeting doctors, going to appointments, staying up late when Bucky couldn’t sleep, which was most nights honestly, struggling with his own sleep and his own grief. Tony _got_ that, he really did. But it’s not like that knowledge made it any easier. The few times he had sought Steve out, Steve had looked either ready to fall over or completely distracted. It wasn’t exactly a recipe for success. Hell, there were times that Tony was pretty sure he saw Bucky more than he saw Steve, thanks to the arm repairs.

“Be patient Tony.” Natasha had counseled one evening when it was just she Clint and Tony.

“Yeah, Cap’ll come back.” Clint added as he dropped himself down on the couch and passed over a cold beer.

“Steve never left.” Natasha corrected, taking one of her own from Clint’s armful. “You’ve been so wrapped up in your head Tony you haven’t noticed that he still looks at you like you light up the moon. You might not be seeing much of him right now, but knowing that you’re still here grounds him. He needs that.” Tony scoffed in disbelief but the knot in his stomach loosened just a touch at the reassurance.

But it wasn’t enough to ease all of the doubt, much as he hated to admit it

“I don’t know what else I can do,” he huffed dejectedly from his spot on Pepper’s couch. He didn’t come over here often, there wasn’t a reason to since Pepper was in the tower so often and they worked together on the regular. Besides, that it felt like too much of an invasion of privacy. So much of her life was entwined with his even still, she damn well deserved a Tony-free zone. But at the end of the day, she was still one of his best friends, she knew him better than almost anyone. And so on the rare occasions that he couldn’t stand to be at home and couldn’t deal with going out, he sought refuge here.

“Maybe you’re doing all that you can do.” Pepper responded not unkindly from her end of the couch, wine glass in hand. “Maybe it’s not a question of how good your best is, Tony. You’re doing what you can but this is on Steve too.” Pepper’s voice was gentle but firm, coaxing Tony into sitting up to peer over at her.

“You can’t really be blaming Steve, are you?”

“I’m not blaming,” she said quickly, “There’s no one to blame. This isn’t anyone’s fault. I’m saying that Steve needs to sort himself out and find a balance. You’re doing the best that you can, and you need to keep doing that, Tony. That’s all you can do and that’s what he needs. But the rest? That’s up to him. Getting Bucky settled, looking out for him, that’s not a quick process. Tell me, is Steve worth it? All of this, the waiting, the uncertainty?”

“Of course he is.” Tony responded without hesitation, wincing at strength of conviction in his own voice.

“Then you do know what you have to do, and it’s exactly what you have been doing.” She said it as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, and really, it was. He could see that even if he didn’t want to acknowledge it. “Your best is good enough. I think it’s fairly clear that Steve still wants to be with you, it’s just... taking you two a little longer to get there.”

“I hate waiting. I hate not being able to do anything.”

“That I actually did know,” she responded lightly and Tony couldn’t help but laugh. The fact that Pepper was still so willing and able to comfort and support him was honestly mind-blowing. Even when she’d stepped back, she’d never left him completely. He didn’t deserve her friendship and yet here she was, sitting up with him as he poured his heart out. “You’ll get through this if you choose to, Tony. You always do.”

Before he could respond, or even thank her, an alert sounded from his phone, a piercing siren with JARVIS’ voice following. “Sir, there seems to be an active HYDRA threat and a location of some strategic important in a civilian area. Mister Fury is requesting support.”

“If Fury’s calling it must be bad,” Pepper said and as Tony got to his feet he tried and failed to ignore the pinched look to her face. “Please be careful, Tony. Just because everyone else seems to be coming back from the dead doesn’t mean that I want you to try it too.”

“I’m always careful, Pep,” he said, pulling her into a quick hug. “Get us a dinner reservation somewhere nice for next week. Pretty sure I owe the woman running my company and listening to my whining a thanks.”

“Go be a hero.” She chuckled, pushing him towards the door. A hero. Right. He could do that.

 

* * *

 

Except that being a hero was never easy and one of these days he was going to have a heart attack, and it would probably end up being Steve’s damn fault. It was nothing short of a miracle that that day wasn’t today, thank you very much Steve. The steaming water rolled down his back in the shower, washing away the sweat and the remains of the fear. He was doing his best for Steve, that was all he could do Pepper had said. But his best didn’t fucking matter if Steve got himself crushed under a building.

“Cap, you have to get out of there,” he’d yelled over the comms. “That whole building is going to blow!”

“Not without the rest of the data,” Steve had snapped back. The data. The goddamn data. Natasha, bless her soul, had started an upload to the main server through JARVIS and most of the information from the base was sitting tucked away safe and sound on his own secure servers. That should have been it, except that Steve had found something else, another office tucked away in a corner behind a secured door, full of information relevant to the Winter Soldier programme. The terminal there hadn’t been linked to any network, it wasn’t even connected to the internet, which Tony had to admit -- grudgingly -- was smart. No way anyone could possibly get to that information unless it was from inside that room. And Steve refused to leave the building without it, hell-bent on learning all he could about the programme and tracking down every last person who had ever had anything to do with it until he knew that no one was ever coming after Bucky again. It was admirable really, except for the fact that HYDRA had set the place to self-destruct and the whole building was set to come crashing down in a blaze of glory in about thirty seconds.

“Goddamnit Steve, leave the data and get out!” Tony had been pushing civilians back, forcing them well clear of the blast radius and there wasn’t even time for him to charge in there and get down to the sub levels to drag Steve out. That feeling of helplessness was probably one of the single worst things he could ever experience.

“I’m going!” Steve’s voice crackled over the comms from interference and a second later the deafening boom followed by the shockwave and the heat immediately after as the whole barbershop went to pieces -- and really, who put a secret base under a barbershop? This wasn’t 1950 -- the ground rumbling beneath them.

“Steve? Oh fuck, Steve talk to me,” Tony demanded before the dust had even settled, charging towards the pile of rubble. He hadn’t gotten out in time. Maybe he’d found cover somewhere, because he had to be okay. Tony wasn’t prepared to accept the possibility of anything less than Steve walking out of this alive and whole. “JARVIS, scan for signs of life,” Tony ordered, already moving some of the smaller fragments of stone and concrete out of the way. He’d clear this whole mess with his own hands if it meant finding Steve.

“Sir, given that you haven’t completed the most recent round of upgrades, the scanners in the suit are unfortunately limited, I’m having difficulty penetrating to the lower levels. I cannot confirm if there are life signs.”

Shit. That wasn’t what he wanted to hear. But he wasn’t going to give up.

Beside him, Sam had landed and was shifting some of the small pieces away. “Emergency crews are going to be on scene any minute, Tony. They’ll bring a team to help dig him out. Cap’s tough and he’s smart, he’ll have found cover.” It was a brave effort. Sam’s voice held strong and true but the set in his shoulders and the ferocity with which he threw each shard of concrete told a different tale.

The wail of sirens announced the arrival of the EMT’s but still Tony kept digging. Clint and Natasha were still with the civilians and while there had been a few injuries in the fight that had broken out before they’d arrived, they’d been minimal, and no casualties. They were damn well going to keep it at no casualties because they were going to find Steve and everything would be okay. It had to be.

“-ony.” The comm crackled, interference from the other end like it had been damaged but was still functional. “Tony. I’m okay.”

Steve. That was Steve’s voice. Steve’s voice alive and whole.

It was almost enough to make him cry in relief if it weren’t for the fact that they still had to get him out of there.

“Don’t move. Just hang in there Cap, we’re coming for you, alright?” Tony promised, looking for the excavation crew.

“No need. There was an escape exit down here that dumped into some of the maintenance tunnels underground. I should be coming up a few blocks south of the site. I’m okay.”

Tony could hear Sam breathing a sigh of relief and informing Steve that in no uncertain terms, he’d be checking in with the med teams, and if he ever gave them a scare like that again, he’d wring Steve’s neck himself. Now that the danger had passed, Sam look visibly shaken. Tony nudged him gently, a silent question, asking if he was okay. Sam nodded in response and pushed himself to his feet to go and greet Steve. Tony made a mental note to check in with Sam later on to make sure the guy really was okay. After Tony was done dealing with his own little freakout, that was.

Hours later they’d left the clean-up crew to finish their jobs, pushed everyone through medical checks and managed to get back to the tower in one piece. Steve had managed to escape mostly unscathed, a few scrapes and bruises that would heal in no time. They were all damn lucky. Tony had still barely had a chance to talk to Steve in the interim but at least stepping out of the shower left him feeling a little more human and a little less upset.

“Sir, Captain Rogers is inquiring as to your whereabouts and wonders if you might join him on the terrace,” JARVIS informed him and Tony felt his heart skip a beat.

“Yeah I can do that.” He desperately wanted to see Steve and if Steve wanted to see him too, well, that was a bonus. Grabbing a sweater, Tony made his way up to the rooftop and stepped out onto the terrace. Steve was already there, his back to him, staring out across the city.

“JARVIS said you were looking for me,” Tony called by way of a greeting, watching as Steve turned quickly around. Below them the lights of the city stretched out, seemingly endlessly. The city was full of life, noise drifting even all the way up to them, up here where they could see the world shining below them, perfect and flawed and radiant. Tony could understand why Steve loved it up here so much, his own private haven.

“I wanted... needed to talk to you,” Steve responded, holding out his hand.

Tony took it without hesitation.

A gash across Steve’s forehead was already healing but still he reached up to brush Steve’s hair out of the way, running a finger lightly beside the reminder that Steve could have ended up so much worse off.

“I owe you an apology,” Steve continued and Tony laughed in response, a hollow, humourless chuckle.

“You don’t owe me anything, Cap.”

“But I do,” Steve insisted, his grip on Tony’s hand tightening fractionally. “I was reckless today. Reckless and stupid and I’m sorry. But hell... more than that I owe you so much. You’ve been... god, you’ve been so patient with me, so good to Bucky. I can’t thank you enough.”

Tony felt his throat tightening and he turned away, staring out across Manhattan. That was it then, he had known the moment Barnes came back that it would come to this. Maybe it was better that they’d only had one date. Well, one and a half maybe. At least then Tony could pretend it wasn’t going to hurt when nothing more came from it. There was a horrible, selfish part of him that wanted to hate Bucky, but he just couldn’t. It wasn’t Bucky’s fault, and besides, Tony genuinely liked the guy and he could use some non-Steve friends in his life.

“Bucky gave me one hell of a telling off.” Steve continued and at that Tony turned his attention back, giving Steve his most practiced ‘you’re-a-damn-idiot’ exasperated face.

“Yeah well, I’m with Barnes on this one. You deserved it, Cap,” Tony huffed, distantly wondering why Steve hadn’t let go of his hand and why their shoulders were still pressed together.

“I did deserve it,” Steve agreed. “But he also reminded me of something else. Something I needed to hear.” He paused for a moment and the beat hung between them in the air. “He reminded me that he wasn’t the only one who ‘needs your sorry dumb ass.’” At that, Tony stared blankly, not quite following, but Steve pressed on quickly. “I’ve been neglecting you, ignoring you ever since he came back. And I know you don’t blame me for that, I know. But... nothing’s changed, I need you to know that. Everything that I said to you before, on the night we went out, none of that’s changed. I still want that.”

“Me. You still want me?” The confusion was evident in Tony’s voice and Steve immediately picked up on it.

“Of course I do. Just because my best friend is back doesn’t mean that all of a sudden I don’t need you too.” To Steve it seemed like the most obvious thing in the world, but to Tony it was a fucking revelation. “Look, I know we got off to a rough start, we’ve barely had a chance to breathe, let alone talk about anything that wasn’t Bucky. But I thought we were doing pretty well that night. I liked the way things were going. So that’s why I asked you up here. To apologise and to ask you whether you might consider going out with me again.”

It took Tony an almost unforgivable amount of time to process what Steve was saying, his brain all but shutting down and rebooting for a second as his whole world shifted. Seconds which hung a fraction too long and left Steve backpedaling. “I mean... I understand if you don’t, I-”

Tony silenced him immediately with a finger pressed to his lip. “No, you stop talking now. This is the part where I say stuff,” Tony hushed him, and Steve nodded mutely. “This is me saying yes. I mean I’d be an idiot not to say yes. But I also want to say yes.”

Steve’s lips moved under his finger like he made a move to speak but stopped himself, until Tony pulled away.

“You’re sure? Even after everything?” Steve hesitated, he sounded so damn self-conscious in a way Tony had never heard before, and hoped he’d never have to hear again.

“Barnes was right. He’s not the only one that needs your stupid dumb ass. I didn’t magically stop feelings things for you just because your best friend came back. Besides, you totally owe me another date. One that doesn’t get interrupted just when things are starting to get particularly interesting.”

In an instant Steve’s uncertainty was replaced with something that was brighter than any light in the city below, and infinitely more intimate. Steve’s hands found their way to Tony’s hips, pulling him close again. “I took you to lunch. Pretty sure that counts, even if we didn’t quite make it to the interesting part.”

Tony hummed noncommittally but there was his Steve in all of his sassy, stubborn glory. “If that was date two, does this count as date three? I mean, rooftop, cities lights, just the two of us.” He wiggled his eyebrows playfully, drawing a clear laugh from Steve, probably the most perfect sound in the world, which was promptly followed by the warm pressure of Steve’s lips against his.

“Why don’t you take me inside and find out?” Steve murmured, already pulling Tony back towards the door.

And yeah, this was definitely something he could get used to.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi in tumblr: http://dapperanachronism.tumblr.com


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